i realized tonight
it’s been almost ten years since her accident
ten years since the last time my baby sister spoke to me. ten years since she last called me sissy or mocked me or irritated me with her constant “hey heather hey heather hey heather” ten years since we last chased each other around the yard in our swimsuits or since we had a sleepover in my room or built blanket forts together or …did other dumb sisterly things
and i miss that
and neither of us will ever have a normal childhood or regular sisterly interactions
and i get so used to putting on a show that i’m okay and i’m so used to keeping it hidden away because i have to be strong it makes people uncomfortable for me to talk about it and i don’t like talking about it it’s so weird but
i really miss my sister. and i miss the sort of relationship we had and the relationship we could have had and i’m sorry i just really need to get this out right now.